Lessons From…Black Books

If you’ve never seen or heard at all the British series, Black Books…now, this is your opportunity. Here’s BLANK lessons from Black Books

  1. Bernard Black is a bookshop owner and if he needs to leave early to do other errands…he will literally sweep you out of his shop.
  2. Doing taxes on your own is tough, mainly if you can’t remember your mother’s name and her name is not “Ma.”
  3. It’s a bad idea to be a birth partner when you believe it will be like the old days and get drunk.
  4. Never read the Little Book of Calm while drinking a soup in a cup.
  5. Never try to replace a wine bottle that was going to be a gift for the pope with dirt, wood sticks, and other unnatural elements.
  6. If there’s weird things crawling in your shop, it might be time to call, The Cleaner.
  7. There’s something enchanting when The Cleaner says the word, “filthy.”
  8. After watching a marathon of The Sweeney and drinking espresso all night, by the next day you’ll think you’re a cop.
  9. If you’re locked out of your shop and cold- apply to Mamba Burger. You’ll get hired without a resume.
  10. Careful, you might grow mushrooms in your hair.
  11. Having a sexual relationship with Fran might also means that you’re not allowed to talk about it.
  12. Avoid Manny when it’s 88 degrees farenheight, he has Dave’s Syndrome. 
  13. If nonagerian hanky-panky happens in Bernard’s house, for sure he’ll call the police.
  14. Don’t lie to your parents, your friends will black mail you for expensive wine.
  15. Bernard believes that doctors are Satanists because they write Ambulance backwards.
  16. When washing your beard, make sure to shave it off, nail it to a frisbee and fling it over the rainbow.
  17. A wicker chair is not a toilet.
  18. You’ll forget the password if the security man has a tiny toy stuck on his hair.
  19. Be wary,if the security man installing the security system claims that is a really good security system and he also claims the CIA wouldn’t use this stuff. The CIA probably has something way better.
  20. A Summer Girl is a brief relationship that ends when fall comes.
  21. Your landlord might create a second unit in your apartment while you’re sleeping.
  22. The Summer Girl might receive poorly written poems, flowers, chocolates, and an unwanted concert with an accordion.
  23. A radio host might have a seductive voice, but be an a**hole in real life.
  24. Don’t call the radio host during night time,it might get weird.
  25. A cleansing diet doesn’t include a half of a chocolate cake. 
  26. An ideal children’s book must be dramatic and over 1,000 pages.
  27. If a kid annoys you, be an adult and blame him or her for something that you did.
  28. According to Fran, “You always know you’re in for a good night when there a polar bear bleeding on the label.”
  29. A London pigeon will make you cringe.
  30. When Evan is speaking to you, do not eat a muffin because he is developing you.
  31. Only Manny is Bernard’s human plaything.
  32. Everyday is another betrayal.
  33. World of Tights would have been the name of the bookshop.
  34. Santan’s Bingo is an actual game.
  35. Tourist Swamp is not the same as a real swamp.
  36. Going outside is worth it when you have to puke.
  37. Some men might be interested in women and …in lamps
  38. Only Manny could have appeared in a Japanese magazine called, Big and Beardy.
  39. Nifty Gritty sold weird stuff.
  40. It’s okay to find a tiny crab in a cup.

Make sure to buy or watch Black Books. It’s original and hilarious.

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